When someone is harassed because they're assumed
to be gay, and they have neither confirmed nor denied it, one of the most
misguided ways in which others try to defend them is by vehemently insisting
that the person in question is straight. The intent may be protective, but it
reinforces the idea that being gay is a terrible thing which has to be denied.
When calling out harassment, it's important to direct the focus to
the perpetrator's behavior rather than to their target's orientation.
Another mistake is to flip it around and tell the
homophobe, "Well, you must be gay. Why else do you care so
much?" When that's said in an accusatory way that's meant to make somebody
defensive, it also expresses the idea that being gay is wrong—whether or not
that's the intention. That, and it obscures the fact that there really are
straight people who are committed to making anyone miserable who is either gay
or perceived to be. The majority of it is not some self-sabotaging effort
orchestrated by closeted folks. In implying that it is, people absolve
heterosexual homophobes of responsibility.
