Cycles of abandonment

An all too common relationship pattern I notice: One person is afraid the other is going to leave them, and this fear may not be grounded in reality. So instead of trying to talk to their partner about what's going on or try to reconnect and be closer, they lash out at them and become vindictive because they're anticipating abandonment. And then, in a self-fulfilling prophecy, the other person does leave them—but only because of the way they started behaving. This seems to happen a lot.

Adults and the idealization of teen love

I used to wonder why adults tend to idealize adolescent love; why it's such a theme in media that there are basically whole book and movie genres about it. I now have a theory about this. Most people will say teen romance is unique because everything is happening for the first time, hormones are at fever pitch, and you feel everything so intensely at that age. That's part of it, but it's not the whole reason. It is also idealized because it's pretty much the only time in your life when you have a relationship that's entirely about getting to know each other and entirely about feelings. It's uninterrupted by real-life intermissions like financial budgeting and daily chores like managing a home or doing errands together. Things that can be mundane. Of course, sharing those parts of everyday life can be a great bonding experience in itself, and they make the partnership seem a lot more "real." But I think that's why teenage relationships are so memorable to people: because it doesn't feel real yet. It's still like a fantasy, but one that's being acted out by both parties. Not all adolescent couples are happy ones. Teen relationships can be terrible and sometimes even traumatic, and mature relationships are usually a lot better altogether. But the unadulterated quality of them (an accurate word, since they're not adults) is what makes them such a source of fascination.