There are two
specific kinds of people whom I have tried to befriend and engage in
constructive dialogue with, but it never seems to work. And those are social
Darwinists and religious fundamentalists. When a person is invested in either
of those mindsets, I can never be close friends with them. This is why:
Social Darwinism
is, essentially, a sociopathic philosophy. It teaches that we as human beings
have no moral responsibility to help others in need, and that those who are
deemed "weaker" (due to disability, mental health issues, addiction,
poverty, or physical ailments) should just be left to die off if they can't
help themselves. I suspect that most who identify as social Darwinists are
selective with whom they apply it to. It's doubtful that most of them would
refuse to help family members or friends, and if anyone close to them were
struggling, I don't think they'd want to let them suffer or die. Nonetheless,
they hold a selfish and unsympathetic attitude in regard to most people. A
social Darwinist who makes no exceptions, however, is a true sociopath.
Religious
fundamentalism can easily become sociopathic as well. If you honestly believe
that anyone who doesn't intellectually assent to a specific set of theological
statements (even if they subscribe to your religion; just not your particular
strand of it) will be punished with eternal torment, you will react in one of
three ways. The first way is to be crushed with anxiety on behalf of everyone
you care about who does not share your beliefs. You'll pray and worry about
them constantly, expending all your efforts on trying to convert them, which
will likely drive them away. If you don't respond with fear, there's a second
option: you’ll get angry. You will resent anyone who has a different religious
perspective and choose to cut them out of your life because keeping that
distance shields you from the pain of believing they're going to hell. Getting
angry rationalizes what you see as their fate; you decide they deserve it, so
you don't have to feel sorry or scared for them. The third option is avoidance.
You'll just push it to the back of your mind and try to ignore the cognitive
dissonance. Friendships between fundamentalists and non-fundamentalists rarely
seem to work, because the closer you are, the more tense it becomes. If a
fundamentalist can't convert you to their specific form of religious thought,
they'll eventually cut you off—or you'll walk away because you're tired of
being judged and preached at.
A religious
fundamentalist believes you deserve unlimited suffering if you don't share
their beliefs, and a social Darwinist believes you deserve unlimited suffering
if you don't have the money or inner resources to dig yourself out.
I've tried to be friends with
people of both of these philosophies, because I thought it would be
hypocritical of me to expect others to accept my beliefs unless I also accepted
theirs. But some beliefs truly kill compassion and connection, or justify a
lack of compassion that the person already has. I won't say they're necessarily
hopeless. I used to believe all kinds of destructive things, and if there was
hope for me, there's hope for anyone. But that doesn't mean you're obligated to
stick around and mutually try to change each other's minds.
