There are certain ways I interact with my husband that not everyone understands. For example, I try to ensure that we both receive a 50/50 ratio of everything. If we're sharing a meal, I make sure I split it perfectly evenly. Back when we had separate bank accounts, I would always make an effort to take turns paying for our outings. He'd pay for one night out and I'd cover the next. He jokingly calls me "the relationship accountant." Others think this is weird when they hear about it. Mike says most people assume that this behavior only starts when someone is planning to leave a relationship or trying to build some kind of case against their partner, to prove they're being shortchanged. My motivation is the opposite. I do it to make sure he's not getting any less than I am; that I'm not unfairly benefitting.
Another factor of my relationship with Mike which is hard to explain is the way that we're so different in terms of hobbies and interests and general mannerisms, but we often feel like the same person. Once in a while we'll react differently to something and he'll say, "I just had one of those weird moments where I realized we're not the same person." That never becomes more apparent than when one of us is trying to eat the other's food. Nothing reminds you that you're separate entities quite like vying for the same resource--which is another reason why I try to split everything down the middle.
Outside of my marriage, there is also a way I interact with men in general that not everyone will understand. Forming new friendships with men can be tricky because I'm often afraid they'll think I am interested in them in a non-platonic way. A lot of women have told me they experience this anxiety, but my reason is different than the one I've heard from others. Other women have said they're hesitant about this because the men are usually interested in them, so they don't want to send out a false signal of reciprocation. For me, I almost never believe a person is interested in me unless they outright say so. Maybe this is naive of me, but it's how I operate. So my fear of a hypothetical man thinking I'm into him or am trying to start some sneaky extramarital affair is not due to a belief that he'll want to pursue that; it's due to the fear that he'll get uncomfortable or freaked out by my (falsely) perceived interest. It's weird. I'm bi, so it would make sense to also worry that female friends will make this assumption, but I never worry that women will get this impression from the get-go. Maybe because heterosexuality is usually taken for granted? I do worry that they'll assume I'm attracted to them once they know I'm bi. I don't think, "Oh, what if she's bi too, and she likes me, and thinks my disclosure is an invitation?" Rather, my thought process is, "What if she wrongly thinks I'm hitting on her and gets uneasy?" It's the same concern I have with men.
This entry isn't in any way meant to present me as special and unique or to cast "most women" in the same light. I'm just talking about certain things I've experienced that I'm not sure others can relate to. If any of you can identify with this, I'd be curious to know.